Published on April 03, 2023

Preventing Child Abuse: Keeping Kids Safe

Witten by: Kirsten Bonifacio, Ph.D., Pediatric Psychologist, Sarah Brown, DO, Child Advocacy Specialist, and Megan Sikkema, DO, Pediatrician

Child abuse is preventable, and with the right resources and support, all families can thrive! There are five key factors that help protect families from abuse and neglect:

Concrete support in times of need: This includes having a safe place to live, healthy food, transportation, access to healthcare and more.
Social connection: It is fundamental that we feel loved, cared for and valued.
Parent resilience: Everyone deals with challenges and stressful times. Parents/caregivers need the ability to cope through and bounce back from these difficult times.
Knowledge of parenting and child development: When parents/caregivers have a strong understanding of parenting and how children grow, develop and behave, they are better equipped to healthfully raise their children.
Social-emotional learning: Self-awareness, self-control and interpersonal skills are vital for success in life. These skills allow us to manage our emotions, build positive relationships, empathize with others, achieve goals and cope with challenges.

Spanking: Yes or No?

Feeling safe is a basic human need. Spanking or hitting as discipline can make kids feel less safe. Research has shown that spanking does not help children learn how to behave. We want kids to learn to be patient, kind and cooperative. We want to help children learn the right way to act. Children can change their behavior when we teach instead of hit.

Why do so many people spank their kids?

For generations, parents all over the world have used spanking and physical discipline when raising kids. However, with time we continue to learn new ways to raise kids. It is hard to change! Many people try the same kind of parenting their parents used for them. Now we know better. Kids are healthier when they don't get hit.

Make your home a safe space

Just as we teach our kids not to hit each other, adults should not hit children. Spanking, whupping, tapping, popping ... different names but all the same action. You can improve your relationship with your child by making a promise to never hit. Kids can learn good behavior without spanking.

Did you know?

More than 1,500 research studies have shown that spanking is harmful.

Research shows kids who get spanked have:

Lower self-esteem
Lower self-control
Lower thinking abilities
More aggression and the tendency to fight
More mental health concerns
More negative relationships with their parents

Kids who get spanked can be afraid to share important information with their parents - like if they are scared, being bullied or have been sexual abused.

Do certain kids do better with spanking?

The short answer is no. There have been many theories about how to spank “properly” or in a way that will benefit the child. Research across many cultures, religions and countries has come to the same conclusion: kids are worse off when they get hit.

Kids can be frustrating!

Parenting might be the hardest work you ever do. Some kids are easygoing and others are not. If you feel like your child won't listen or can't behave, talk to your child’s pediatrician. You can also consider having your child work with a counselor. There are many ways to help your child learn to manage their emotions and follow the rules.

Parenting Infants

Caring for a new baby can be very rewarding, but can also be a very stressful time. Crying is normal even when it seems like they will never stop. This is especially true in the first few months of life. Some babies can cry an average of 23 hours a day! If you have a baby that seem to be very fussy, learn more about this stage at purplecrying.info.

When you have an infant, it is important to make time to also take care of yourself. Rest whenever you can. When someone offers help, take them up on it! Don’t be afraid to say what you need most - whether that be a nap, help with cleaning, or getting a big kid out of the house. Connecting with adults is also important to your wellbeing, even when you are exhausted. Some parents find comfort and companionship in connecting with other parents with infants. Try looking for community play groups or classes!

Postpartum depression and other mood changes are common and can feel overwhelming. Know that help is available. If you find yourself struggling, please reach out to your OB provider or primary care provider. You can also call the Postpartum Support International toll-free Help Line:

(800) 944-4773 (call toll-free)
(503) 894-9453 (English texting)
(971) 420-0294 (Español texting)

Parenting Toddlers and Younger Children

Do you feel like there is just not enough time (or patience!) in the day? It’s okay—we all do! Below are five P.R.I.D.E. tips for connecting with your kids and improving bad behaviors (hitting, yelling, tantrums, etc.). All you need is 5-10 minutes a day!

To start, let your child choose a toy or activity that inspires creativity. Then, as a team:

Praise: Tell your child what you like about their activity. For example, if you are coloring, you could say, “I love the colors you chose. The blue and purple design look amazing together!”
Reflection: Show your child you care by listening. For example, when your child says, “Look I drew a castle!” you can say “Wow, you did draw a castle!”
Imitation: Support your child’s play by copying what they do. For example, if if your child draws a flower, you can say “Oh, I am going to draw a beautiful flower just like yours!”
Description: Talk to your child about what you see them doing. For example, you could point to a picture they drew and say, “Your person has a big smile. They looks really happy!”
Enthusiasm: Show your child you are interested in them! Try exclamations like “awesome,” “cool,” “super” or “wow.” Changing your tone adds enthusiasm. Non-verbal cues, like giving them a thumbs-up, high five, hug or a “happy dance” also shows your excitement.

Parenting Adolescents

Slamming doors and teenage temper tantrums. Are you wondering how to connect with your teen? The teenage brain can tell teens that no one (especially their parents) will understand how they feel or what they’re going through. To support your teen, try listening without providing direction. As a parent, it can be so hard to hold back on advice. When talking with your teen, try providing verbal reassurances, like saying “I am sorry you are feeling down” or “I will always be here for you”, and non-verbal encouragement, like head nods, eye contact or a hug. This can help your teen feel heard and seen.

Protecting our Children from Sexual Abuse

As adults, it is our responsibility to protect kids from sexual abuse. Adults who understand how sexual abuse happens can spot warning signs and intervene before something happens. Check out these resources to learn more about preventing sexual abuse, and what to do if your child experiences it.

How to Help in Our Community

Join us in working to prevent child abuse in our communities! Perhaps you are called to donate financially to support a family’s concrete needs. Maybe you know someone who would call 211 if you suggested it. 211 provides free, confidential help with a range of community resources. Notice someone who might be at a breaking-point with their parenting? The Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline is there to listen.

One of the most important ways families can be safe is through having access to safe, reliable, affordable childcare. Can you give a parent the gift of an hour or two off-duty? An offer of childcare meets concrete needs, fosters social connection, and helps boost a parent’s resilience.